Handling cultural and religious differences can make this parenting challenge even more complex. You can navigate this complexity with effective communication skills and empathy. By incorporating a compromising attitude and skills, you can create a harmonious parenting journey.
Here are 5 questions to consider when facing intercultural parenting challenges:
1- How do cultural and religious differences impact your relationship?
Imagine one parent comes from a culture where involving a larger family is the norm while the other values more independence. The first step is to understand these differences. This dynamic can play out in everyday situations, such as determining the extent of grandparents‘ involvement in childcare or deciding on the role of religion in your family.
2- How do your cultural norms conflict with your parenting values?
You may face a dilemma when your cultural norms clash with your shared parenting values. It’s important to identify the areas of disagreement and potential conflicts early on.
Cultural norms are often deeply ingrained, and you may not immediately question the values or beliefs underlying them. A conflict offers you the opportunity to address and understand these hidden areas of disagreement so that you can approach them constructively.
The Gottman therapy method offers an exercise to help couples uncover the hidden dreams in their conflict. Understanding these underlying dreams allows you to address the issue constructively and work towards a resolution.
Seek harmony through empathy exercises:
- Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. If your partner values communal support due to their cultural background, empathizing with their perspective fosters understanding and connection.
- Recognize that there are not necessarily right and wrong perspectives, but two valid truths.
- Acknowledge that your partner’s standpoint is their reality, shaped by their cultural background and personal experiences.
3- Where do culture and parenting style intersect?
Your partner may have grown up in a culture where discipline is more authoritarian, while you prefer a nurturing approach. The key is to find common ground where your parenting styles overlap. Explore how you can combine these approaches to develop an age-appropriate strategy for your child. It should feel supportive while setting clear boundaries for your child.
Compromises are key. See compromises as a dynamic process of integrating culture and beliefs. It’s not about sacrificing one culture for another but finding a blend that respects both backgrounds.
Compromises also do not mean giving up your own perspective or values. Instead, it’s about finding a middle ground that respects both cultural beliefs and perspectives.
Imagine a scenario where you want your child to participate in traditional cultural events, but your partner is concerned the child might feel overwhelmed. Through the art of compromise, you can choose to attend the events but introduce them gradually to ensure your child’s well-being.
Based on the principles of Gottman therapy, crafting a compromise becomes a cornerstone for couples seeking harmony. Couples work together to integrate elements of each partner’s culture into a parenting approach that reflects shared values. The key is to find a common ground that respects cultural heritage while staying true to cherished values.
4- Do you need consistent parenting guidelines?
Yes. Now that you’ve found a compromise, sit down together and create a set of parenting guidelines that unite your two cultural influences. Consistency is reassuring for both parents and children. Advocate for your shared parenting goals, focusing on consistency as a key element. By agreeing on what you have in common and what common goals you pursue, you’ve created your own relationship culture compass that can help you navigate the path to future parenting. The compass acknowledges the richness of each person’s cultural background. Use your relationship culture compass frequently to ward off conflicts.
5- Is it time to seek external support?
Sometimes, seeking external support can be helpful. Consider participating in the Gottman exercise „The Art of Compromise“ with a trained therapist. This exercise helps couples overcome their differences and find solutions that cater to both perspectives.
Remember that you are a team, and jointly handling these cultural and values differences strengthens your bond. Your children can benefit from the richness of your backgrounds, creating a diverse and integrative environment.
By embracing empathy, establishing consistent guidelines, and finding compromises inspired by the Gottman method, you are essentially navigating not just through the culture and values of parenthood but creating a unique tapestry that blends the best of both worlds.
Your journey may have its twists, but with love, understanding, and the Gottman approach, you are well equipped to handle everything and raise thriving, culturally enriched children.