Exploring masturbation is a natural and healthy part of childhood, starting at a younger age than you may realize.
„It is the beginning of a lifelong learning experience about their body and later about sex and sexuality,“ says David Swanson, PsyD, a practicing child and family psychologist in Los Angeles and author of HELP – My Child is Driving Me Crazy: The 17 Ways Children Manipulate Their Parents and What You Can Do About It.
You may find that young children touch themselves primarily for two reasons. The first is for pleasure. „In the early phase between 3 and 5 years old, children explore their bodies. They learn what feels good and continue to touch themselves,“ explains Swanson. The second reason is stress relief and relaxation.
Masturbation becomes goal-oriented around the age of 10. Especially boys try to achieve orgasm, and around 11 or 12, they may start looking for pornographic material. „Parents need to be cautious about what their children can access online,“ says Swanson.
What should you do if you discover that your child is touching themselves? Remember that reactions are important. If adults get angry or tell their children that masturbation is wrong, it creates a lot of tension for them, says Swanson. „You want to teach children that it’s okay to explore their bodies.“
When your child is faced with sexual exploration, Swanson has the following tips for approaching the conversation.
Cool Off. Charged parental reactions to masturbation often create shame. Leave the room if you are upset and then come back to address the behavior calmly.
Private Matter. Young children need to learn when and where it is acceptable to masturbate. Tell them, „You are currently learning something about your body. It’s nothing to be ashamed of; it’s natural. But I insist that you do it in private.“ By the age of 6, children should be clear about this point.
Picture Book. Distract your child from adult sexual images, as they can negatively impact how they view other people. Say, „I understand that you are curious and want to learn, so we can buy a book about sex.“ Then buy an age-appropriate book and answer any questions that arise after your child has read it.