Steroid enthusiasts have reason to celebrate as juicers will finally have their day on the playing field. A who’s who of extreme online investors have backed a series of events called „Enhanced Games,“ self-proclaimed as „the 21st-century Olympics without drug tests.“ Among the high-profile backers are Christian Angermayer, venture capitalist, Balaji Srinivasan, former CTO of Coinbase, and Peter Thiel, PayPal co-founder and Elon Musk nemesis.
„Unlike the Olympics, Enhanced believes that excellence deserves to be rewarded,“ said Aron D’Souza, President of Enhanced Games, in a press release. „The support of the world’s leading venture capitalists allows us to create structures that enable fair compensation for athletes.“ (D’Souza previously led Thiel’s legal battle against Gawker, Gizmodo’s former parent company.)
D’Souza stated that Enhanced will focus on world records—world records that don’t count.
Enhanced Games emphasizes that steroids are good for athletes and the world. Unlike the real Olympic Games, which refuse to abandon their boring obsession with health and fairness, Enhanced promises that the upcoming show will be a „world-class sporting event“ fit for the modern age. The organization has even paid a doctor to assert that the whole thing is healthy, smart, and cool.
„The modern drug tests practiced in sports today are not necessarily about the safety of the athletes; they often distort the public perception of fairness and health in competitive sports,“ said Michael Sagner, MD, member of Enhanced Games‘ scientific and medical advisory commission, in the press release. „Enhanced will implement a sophisticated safety protocol that prioritizes the athlete’s health—including comprehensive health checks before and after competitions.“
Sagner promises that Enhanced will look for pre-existing conditions before encouraging people to take drugs in principle.
The Enhanced Games will feature many of the same sports enjoyed at the regular Olympic Games, such as athletics, swimming, gymnastics, weightlifting, and combat sports. The date of the first Enhanced Games has not been announced yet.
Thanks to the wealthy backers of Enhanced, D’Souza promises that the events will not waste taxpayers‘ money, which, one must admit, sounds good when compared to the real Olympic Games, where billions of tax dollars are usually spent on poorly conceived infrastructure that’s used once and rots.
„Just as the ancient Olympic Games of 1896 were revived and revamped for the Victorian world, the Enhanced Games are renewing the Olympic model for the 21st century,“ said D’Souza. „In the age of accelerating technological and scientific change, the world needs a sporting event that takes the future into account, especially advancements in medical science.“
Thomas Germain is a senior reporter for Gizmodo.com, which is part of G/O Media, like Deadspin.